This is the life I wanted,
and I could never see:
Detach sour grapes
and disapprove their petulant rebellions,
Unlatch scars
before dubious resentment ruins,
Let metallic billows of darts fuse,
Lessons learned,
Surge in a jolt
with cash in a box brought,
Enjoy staccato of rain,
Let war of bullets exile in your brain.
The petulant rebellions of sour grapes is clever. Incessant rain heads your poem beautifully. If we stop and attend to the small things, they can appear miraculous.
ReplyDeleteI like the last line.
"Detach sour grapes
ReplyDeleteand disapprove their petulant rebellions"
Yes. Good advice to all. Very hard though - I'm glad you include "enjoy" in the poem.
What a lovely blending of the prompts. I read this several times getting something new every time. I love the phrases petulant rebellions and dubious resentments.
ReplyDeleteThe life I want is probably the one I have now, although I try to convince myself otherwise--as do many of us.
ReplyDeleteWhirling Haiku and Senryu
I like the image of incessant rain. I hope the last line means what I interpret it to mean: that wars will cease. Your verse sings!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. Am happy I stopped by.
ReplyDeletePeace,
Siggi in Downeast Maine
A poem of escape to freedom...wonderful.
ReplyDeleteinteresting piece about forgetting and acceptance. Thanks for the visit and happy gooseberry day! :)
ReplyDeletelovely imagery and thoughts
ReplyDelete'War of bullets exiled' seems so nice!
ReplyDeleteAll that has been is this aarchitect of what is. The next step is our only choice.
ReplyDeleteWonderful write!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/will-we-soon-forget-2/
Hypnotic for me..the words, the rain..I could sit and watch "the life" all day. Excellent!!
ReplyDeletebeautiful imagery and picture!!
ReplyDeletevery nice poem.
ReplyDeleteso much said
in only so many lines.
well done.
bravo,
ReplyDeletepowerful sentiments, masterful delivery.
:)
Nice response to the prompt.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a terrific piece. Really well done. : )
ReplyDeleteThe falling rain adds a serene dynamic to your terse words and the tensions of war discussed in your poem. I loved the contrasts. Thank you for sharing, Taylor.
ReplyDeletenicely wrought poem incorporating several prompts without a forced feeling;love the rain falling continually in the photo - it lends incredible power to the words ...
ReplyDeleteA wonderful way to turn things around.
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely poem with very original formulations. K.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and clever poem.
ReplyDeletebeautiful composition with multiple prompts combined.
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard to feel like you don't care at all, it is hard to please all...at times, a cut is needed to maintain order and obtain position needed to show one's standing.
Your use of words is masterful, I also liked the rhythm. Great job!
ReplyDeletesimply charming...:)
ReplyDeletei'm up for a rain staccato anytime...ok...when it's not too cold..smiles...nicely woven...
ReplyDeletelove the imagery of it,
ReplyDeleteromantic and wet,
way to go...
This is really vivid.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the imagery that you depicted. Well written!
-Erick F.
cool poem also loved the picture accompanying it thank you for sharing x
ReplyDeleteNow that is life...
ReplyDeletenicely crafted
detach sour grapes. good advice. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the idea of detaching sour grapes and exiling bullets :)
ReplyDeleteC'est la Vie!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Taylor Boomer
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End
Taylor, such density of images (and prompts). I have to agree with what others have said, the sour grapes and petulant rebellions line is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteRichard
What powerful metaphors you used! I like "disapprove their petulant rebellions" too :)
ReplyDeleteWoW!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >
"unlatch scars" - I loved that.
ReplyDeleteYes, resentment can really ruin things.
A powerful write.
Thanks for coming by, hope to see you again!
ReplyDeletewar of bullets is great
ReplyDeleteelephant slave
This is excellently deep with some great lines.
ReplyDeleteLet war of bullets exile in your brain. is what arrested my attention.
ReplyDelete'Unlatch scars'- indeed! with ribbon edges not razor.
ReplyDeleteI do question the wisdom of your last line- bullets 'exile IN ? your brain'- I think I want to let all
negative thoughts and feelings go
by & hold nothing like that!
Thanks for visiting :)
Lovely imagery, hurt, pain, passion, and finally a little ray of hope.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned
An enthralling piece!
ReplyDeleteReally tight write. Good one!
ReplyDeleteromantic background,
ReplyDeletelove some spring/winter rain, smiles.
This is great!
ReplyDeleteA wonderful piece of writing. Thanks so much for doing such justice to my Carry On Tuesday prompt this week.
ReplyDeleteSo powerful, Taylor! I really like the last two lines!
ReplyDeleteFabulous picture and words.
ReplyDeleteGreat pic to go with the words. Thanks for visiting me.
ReplyDeletePamela
Powerful post!
ReplyDeletea very cool poem - such a great idea
ReplyDeleteImagery is everything and you express it well in your words.
ReplyDeleteGlad to get wet and feel the romantic senses here,
ReplyDeletekeep it up,
you are unbeatable, lady fairy.
Clever usage of the wordle list! Thanks for visiting ...Hopefully I will learn how to use the linking system soon. Blogging is still fairly new to me. I hope you also enjoy some of my other verse.
ReplyDeleteSome striking word pairings in this. Solid write. =)
ReplyDeleteYes!
ReplyDeleteRomantic mood,
ReplyDeletehave a lovely time ....
fantastic words.
There is so much I love about this poem. Think my favourite lines have to be: 'Unlatch scars
ReplyDeletebefore dubious resentment ruins'
A really heartfelt, poignant yet accepting write
Wow that is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteLetter-M
Beautiful prose!
ReplyDeleteI am enjoying the read! It is amazing how many talented writers I meet here. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis has so many wonderful layers! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteI like "the staccato of rain" - the perfect line!
ReplyDelete"Let war of bullets exile in your brain." love it!
ReplyDeletelovely words, as usual. :)
ReplyDeleteloved the last two lines.
I have to agree with everyone else. The last two lines are especially powerful!
ReplyDeleteThe rain was very enjoyable!Thanks for participating in ABC Wednesday!
ReplyDeleteWil, ABC Wednesday Team
This blog is so cool.
ReplyDeletekeep it up.
Entertaining technique.
ReplyDeleteROG, ABC Wednesday team
Marvelous poem...
ReplyDeleteIt is really enchanting...
Magnificent post for the letter "M"!
Thanks for linking.
A+
Vivid imagery and quite powerful. The rain made it even more so. Rain can signify pain, release of pain or feelings of refreshment. Made me think on quite a lot. Job well done. Be blessed.
ReplyDeletehttp://elizena-lovingmycreator.blogspot.com/2012/02/soul-song.html
Wow...A big agenda engraved into simple words...:)
ReplyDeleteSuch few words and such a lot captured.. like water in a pond when it rains.. impressive !
ReplyDeleteI am at ~ http://puplumages.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/misty-mood/
Nice rythmic play of words:)
ReplyDelete