Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Short Story (165 words)

This is an entry for the First Campaigner Challenge from the Writers Platform Building Campaign. It is asked to write a Short Story / Flash Fiction of 200 words or fewer. The first four words must be "The Door Swung Open".  200 words or less, I got 165 words here. hope that you enjoy the read, smiles!

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The Door Swung open.

A sharp blow of wind flies in, along with a floating head, messy long hair hanging, the room turns cold.

The power is off and darkness veils the space.

Mary's body shivers, she wants to scream, but her voice has no sound. She tries to find her cell, yet something is holding her firmly on the sofa, where she has been sitting, watching a horror movie, waiting for her parents to come home.

Feeling helpless, she closes her eyes and lets force take her.

Someone is approaching her, she can feel the ginger alike breath, her chest is tightening!

It is getting harder and harder for her to breathe.

"Help!" her voice is weak like a soft tofu!

All of a sudden, plates in the kitchen fall to the ground, breaking the desperate air in the living room.

"Woof!" Sam the dog barked from outside!

The force withdraws, Mary opens her eyes.

The light is on, and the door swung shut.


  1. Saved by the dog. That's why they're man's best friend, right?

  2. Soft like tofu... what an excellent line! Loved the story, gripping and intense.


  3. Oh my! This had me on the edge of my seat!

  4. Ah, I was so relieved at the end. Nicely done.

  5. You had me on the edge of my seat , holding my breath ... and then a slow exhalation at the end ... phew !! Great tension in your piece !
    My entry at no.#59

  6. I have had dreams like that! Wonderfully descriptive and chilling. Good work!!!

  7. Nice tension. i would not want to be her. Mine is #72

  8. Lots of tension in this piece! I really like the description. :)

    My entry.

  9. I'd follow my parents everywhere after that! Eerie then cheery!

  10. Dramatic tension in spades. My entry is #279

    Would like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long shared-world fiction extravaganza in October with some great prizes, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing. Check it out :)

  11. Excellent - I esp. like the "voice was weak like soft tofu" -- very creative!

  12. always nice to have a dog around, yes:)

  13. :-) That's exactly why I don't watch horror movies - i always imagine I can hear someone breathing nearby...

  14. Asleep, but your mind is working overtime. Sam is definitely the hero of the hour, let him watch it with you next time. It is a lovely little chiller, well done.

  15. Um...I'd change the first sentence. 'A sharp blow of wind' sounds forceful and powerful yet it 'flies' in like a dainty bird.

    'Weak like soft tofu'....good line!


  16. Woo! Intense!
    The same thing happens to me when I watch scary movies! Most of the time a write's imagination is a blessing but times like that...? the imagination seems more like a curse. ;) Lol!

  17. Such a well described scene. I could picture what was happening without a problem. Sounds like a poltergeist problem.

    Great job! :)